Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
