I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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