i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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