I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
