i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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