did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
