i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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