Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
