He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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