Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
