eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
