whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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