Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
