its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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