What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
