I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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