So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
