apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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