I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
