Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
