Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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