i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
