I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
