I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
