I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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