dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
