last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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