You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
