A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
