Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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