Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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