she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
