guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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