I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
