Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
