he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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