mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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