i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My bed smells like the plague
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
