Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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