Fine. I'll sleep in my office
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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