Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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