i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
