Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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