Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
