remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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