everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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