Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
