it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
