im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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