do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
