your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Don't make out with my wife yet
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
