He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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