he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
