He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
