Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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