dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
