she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
