Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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