i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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