p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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