You can't motorboat a personality
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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